Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

Product Information

Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you based on how responsible they'll be with that access Good Boundaries and Goodbyes explores how people can have healthier relationships by establishing relational boundaries with their partners, family, and friends. Partway through reading the book, I learned that the author was writing from the experience of her painful divorce. Reading through this lens, I saw how Terkeurst uses the pain from her experience to help people develop more meaningful relationships. Her main message is that proper boundaries help a person discern whether a relationship is helpful or harmful - if harmful, she then discusses the importance of letting go. Through boundaries, a person invites others to choose between loving them by respecting the boundaries or harming them further; those who continue hurting the relationship effectively choose ending it. In Terkeurst’s words, “Boundaries protect the right kind of love and help prevent dysfunction from destroying that love. Boundaries help us say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done, and establish what is and isn’t acceptable.” The point of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is to teach the reader that it is necessary to develop boundaries with one’s closest relationships. In my opinion, the book could've been much stronger if the author had taken more time with the book. It feels rushed in many ways, including the fact that she's admittedly still dealing with a lot of the things that she's speaking as an expert on. If you are a fan of Lysa Terkeurst and of self-help books (in this case spiritual), and are in need of setting some boundaries, then I definitely recommend reading this book. I will leave this review with just a few more of my favorite quotes. Receive therapeutic wisdom you can trust directly from Lysa’s Christian counselor Jim Cress, who weighs in throughout the book.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes | Lysa TerKeurst

Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you based on how responsible they'll be with that access. But other people will never be able to fill that empty feeling inside of you. Only God can do that. So the foundation of any good relationship has to start with you having a good relationship with yourself and with God. It feels like it's written to a very niche audience (wives struggling to draw boundaries in regard to their repeatedly unfaithful husbands), but marketed to a much broader audience.I also got the sense from this book that Terkeurst is here to fight for her readers and their well-being. Early on, she states, “This isn’t a book about leaving people. It’s a book about loving people in the right and healthy ways. And it’s about communicating appropriate boundaries and parameters so that love can stay safe and sustainable.” Terkeurst does suggest that a person leave those who refuse to respect their boundaries, but this is a last resort. But overall, she encourages her readers to see worth in themselves and to fight for their relationships in healthy ways. Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is not the kind of book one necessarily goes out of their way to read for entertainment or enjoyment. It is for someone going through a hard time looking for answers. I was not in such a situation while reading it. I went into this book to see what was so significant about it. Simply put, I did not find it enjoyable because it is not designed to be an enjoyable read. Despite this not being the book's goal, others will still find it incredibly helpful. Stop being misled and emotionally paralyzed by wrongly interpreted or weaponized scriptures that perpetuate unhealthy dynamics in difficult relationships Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? Are Christians ever called to walk away from a relationship that’s no longer safe or sustainable? Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands these hard questions in the midst of relational struggles. I highly recommend! I went into reading this book unsure of what I would glean, but knowing that I needed to read it. This book offers so many thought provoking sentences and paragraphs. There are so many things to highlight, study along-side the truth of God’s Word, and ponder deeply. I ended my reading feeling more assure of who I am in Christ, and non-apologetic about the boundaries that need to be set in my life for the good of myself and little family as a whole.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing

The book consists of twelve chapters, each covering a nuanced thought or concern in establishing boundaries with the people one loves. However, Terkeurst’s writing style tends to create overlap between the subject matter in each chapter, making them hard to distinguish from each other. Nevertheless, a glance at the chapter titles instantly shows the reader what they can expect to learn from this book. Be equipped to say goodbye without guilt when a relationship has shifted from difficult to destructive and is no longer sustainable. My wife and I are both avid readers, constantly adding new books to our shelves. Whenever my wife adds a new book, I typically add it to my reading list. Recently, my wife added Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa Terkeurst to our shelves, so I naturally added it to my list of books to read. I was surprised to find it so highly rated and decided to read it sooner rather than later. It was my first time reading a book by Terkeurst. It was my first time learning about Terkeurst herself and why she is a well-known author. So, I didn't know what to expect. Terkeurst’s book is highly respectful of her faith and people. As a Christian author, Terkeurst constantly finds ways to work-in respect for God; this may turn away some readers, but this is perfectly acceptable for her target audience. Additionally, despite her experience, Terkeurst does not talk about people, spouses, or those who hurt her in a disrespectful way. Instead, she expresses hope that those who cause harm grow and find emotional healing. I came out of this book feeling hopeful for myself and others, and I think most other readers will have a similar experience. Despite the book seemingly being born out of her trauma, Terkeurst does not focus on her situation; she does not discuss any overly personal details, and she avoids painting anyone in a bad light. Instead, Terkeurst comes across like a therapist for whatever the reader is going through in their relationships. Terkeurst focuses on what’s happening inside the reader and helps them work through their experiences in a healthy way.I was unfamiliar with Lysa TerKeurst when I happened upon Proverbs 31 Ministries on Facebook and discovered she was about to release a book about setting boundaries and, when necessary, saying goodbye to unsustainable relationships. I thought a book like that might apply to a current difficult relationship for which I was seeking ... something. So, I signed up and received an advance copy. On the bright side, her ending was powerful and brought me to tears. I also enjoyed the section at the end with Scripture verses and how to interpret them in healthy ways. But those nuggets of wisdom weren’t enough to overcome the rest of the book. I don't know how to rate this book, so here's my thoughts after having read the first ~70% and skimming the rest. The best parts of each chapter were written by her therapist, Jim Cress. Simply put, Lysa didn’t offer us anything new that hasn’t already been covered in Cloud and Townsend’s Boundaries book.